Tied Together With a Smile
by Kushina Nar
Summary: It's a glimpse at Naruto while he is on his trianing trip with Jariya. song fic n Naruto is slightly OOC


i just did some super editing to this and its a ton different than last time and yet it is the same...i still like it better tho!

I don't own Tied together with a smile…im pretty sure taylor swift owns it so there ya goes…but I dooooo own this awesome watche that glows in the dark hehe its Mazing!

well ja for now…I hope ya likes it! Btw bold is when kyu talks and alot of the song is the other voice kk

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It had started out a simple mission. 'Just spy a little gaki. Have some fun….check out some chicks. Just make sure you find our target or at least some more information on him okay?' That's what Ero- Sannin told me to do right before he headed to the brothel so that's what I did. I ended up finding the nuke- nin in a bar. I sent a message to Ero- Sannin and we took care of him, plain and simple. No it was after that simple mission that I had the life changing event. For the first time in about six years I looked in a mirror. I don't know why I did it. I just felt like it. At home all my mirrors got broken when I found out about the stupid Kyuubi. Haha I love how everyone thought it took me 13 years to figure it out. Ha.I wish I was that stupid…I mean it wasn't that hard to piece together the pieces, my birthday, all the looks, hell people even called me the demon child no…it wasn't that hard at all. I love how Ero- Sannin thinks that learning how to use his chakra is gonna help me in the long run. Its not…it has only been two years since we left, but I can feel him more and more everyday. Its presence is overbearing and I hate it. He is a voice in my head telling me I'm disgusting, how could anyone ever love me, who would ever allow me to be the Hokage, why the hell would Sasuke stay for me? I'm nothing special. The biggest problem is, I can't tell the difference between his voice and mine anymore. Yet there is always this gentle voice countering his words, but most times I can't find myself believing it.

**Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty**  
**Is the face in the mirror looking back at you**

Haha what beauty…all I see is a lost child all alone in this world. A child who has no more hope. A child who wants to just disappear. Once I was told that hate is the opposite of love, but I disagree whole heartily. Indifference is the opposite. No one truly cares for me. Or at least the real me because they have never met that me and I doubt they would know what to do with him if they ever did. if they truely saw the little boy in my that wants love so bad that he is willing to do anything, anything for it what would they think of me? I know what they would think...I'm a sniveling brat who doesn't deserve their pity, nor do I want it...I don't need anyone or anything...I DONT!

**You walk around here thinking you're not pretty**  
**But that's not true, 'cause I know you**

Who knows me in this place. The only one who truly does is a demon living in my belly who lives off of my weaknesses and my self doubts. He is the embodiment of a verbally abusive person. So who knows me? I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW ME! "Shut up... you don't know me at all...", i whisper to the gentle voice.

"Did you say something Naruto- Kun?" I cringe, and turn around to see Jariya standing in the doorway. I look at him for a second and then give one on my million dollar smiles and shake my head.

"No just thinking, that's all. I'm going to go to bed i think, see ya in the mornin'!" I head off into my room hearing the damn fox rant and rave about how Jariya was onto me and soon he would know that I'm crazy and he would expose me to the entire village and how they will rip and tear me apart before they finally end my so very pitiful existence. Then I begin looking into the mirror in my room when i get there.

**Hold on baby, you're losing it**

I grab my head and try to ignore his voice. I used to be able to ignore him. And i try to focus on the gentle one. I'm just trying to hold on to that one semblence of normalcy, but when was I ever normal? how normal can you be when you hear _two_ voices in your head. I just want to be normal. I thought that if I listened to what Ero- Sannin said...I wanted to put my trust in some one else…but all it has led to is heartache. I can't ignore his voice anymore. I can't keep fighting for people. I can't keep him at bay anymore. I feel like…like…akan(1)…hopeless.

**The water's high, you're jumping into it**  
**And letting go and no one knows**

I enter into my mindscape and I look down at the water…its been raising the last few weeks. I walk down the hall path to Kyuubi, I can hear his roaring still though, and I come to a new room. I never really took the time to really search my mind, but I've been here before. The first time I ever came and I wanted to get away from the damn Kitsune. It's a room that I come to when I want to get away from it all, and just let go. It's stark white, no shades in it…no darkness…no nothing. It is perfection and at the same time it's nothing. It is my getaway. It is my sanctuary.

**That you cry but you don't tell anyone**  
**That you might not be the golden one**

I kneel down and grab tightly onto my golden locks. I hate them. They make me look so different than everyone else. They are the first thing people see when they look at me. They are the reminder of what my village lost, and also the curse that they gained. They are a reminder that i will always stand alone. I will always be different.

**And you're tied together with a smile**  
**But you're coming undone**

I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. Its been better since I left the village. I'm able to be more myself. No more Kakashi- Sensei to ignore me. No more Sakura to disappoint me. No more not being able to wake up knowing my brother is with me. No more glares. No more beatings. No more voices to have to hear. No more trying to ignore it all. No more. No more.

**I guess it's true that love was all you wanted**  
**'Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change**

I tried my best to be the best for them. I tried to keep a smile on my face even when they spit on it. I act like nothing is wrong and that I am an unbreakable force for them. Ero-Sannin finally told me who my parents were, not that I wouldn't have been able to figure it out. I mean I do look just like him and I act just like her. And Iruka. Iruka was my mom's student. Who would have guessed. No wonder Iruka taught me pranks. Must have felt like he was giving me a piece on my mom. Sometimes I just want to laugh and shake my head. They spit on the Yonidiame's legacy, and I will always protect them. Have they ever figured out that all I want is a family? If, by some miracle of the Kami, I manage to gain a family, will they take it away. Or will my family leave me once they discover who I truly am, just like Sasuke did?

**Hoping it will end up in his pocket**  
**But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain**

And all I want is acknowledgement. All i want is family. All I want is someone to know me. That's all.

**Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay**  
**Not his price to pay**

I didn't ask for this curse. Yet some people seem to think it's a blessing in disguise. That's what this whole trip is about. Me learning how to use the Kitsune's power. But what Sensei doesn't know is that they more I use it the louder he gets. The more I let myself succumb to his power the more apart of me he becomes. and they more the gentle voice fades. the more I lose myself, but for them, I will do anything.

**Hold on baby, you're losing it**  
**The water's high, you're jumping into it**  
**And letting go and no one knows**

I look up and all around me I see the images of my precious people. 'Tou-San, 'Kaa-san even thought I didn't know them. Jiji-San and Iruka, the first people to acknowledge me even though I wasn't able to protect one. Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke, the first people who were just there, there and tried to at least understand me even though they were fooled as well. The rest of the rookie 9 and Gai's team, the first people that would stand up for me. Jiji ramen and his daughter, the first people that showed me compassion even when the entire village turned their back on me. Jariya, Tsunade-baa chan, and Shizune- nee, my family. Do they know what's happening to me. Do they know the darkness is slowly winning?

**That you cry but you don't tell anyone**  
**That you might not be the golden one**  
**And you're tied together with a smile**  
**But you're coming undone**

Do they know how much I want to give into the darkness? Do they know how much I hate being here, wondering how it would be if I let go and disappeared. Would they miss me? Would they leave me flowers? Would they forgive me for leaving them?

**Hold on baby, you're losing it**  
**The water's high, you're jumping into it**  
**And letting go and no one knows**

I pull myself back the real world and I am welcomed with the image of my face. I am my own personal sun and I have to be strong for them. I must stay strong even if…even if it hurts.

**That you cry but you don't tell anyone**  
**That you might not be the golden one**  
**And you're tied together with a smile**  
**But you're coming undone**

And then I hear him and my resolve is only strengthened even though I know he is trying to weaken it. **ONE DAY KIT ONE DAY! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**And I know I know that I am becoming unraveled from the inside out even though I will never let anyone see it. I sink to my knees and sudder as i listen to him rant and rave and suddenly i hear that gentle voice whipser one word.

**You're tied together with a smile**  
**But you're coming undone**

_love_

Is that all I need?

I smile at my self and punch the mirror. I look at my shattered reflection and smile at myself, thinking that I look much better this way.

**Goodbye, baby**  
**With a smile, baby, baby**

And I will never notice that Jariya was watching me the whole time, worrying if he should help or not. To bad you can"t help someone by worrying huh?

**END.**

Okie doodles...I'm much happier with it this way!


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